working hard

Monday February 2nd, 2004 4:30pm (quittin’ time) Day 2

Hola Diary! Today I think and speak in my limited Spanish, very trying. Today was even better! You wouldn’t believe what I just saw. A crazy old Dutch Albertan wandering across the campus in just a towel. Strange things are brewing. I think tomorrow I’ll play soccer after work. Or tonight perhaps. I have worked all day. Now I am waiting for the shower. That’s OK there’s a little desk here by the ladies’ room. I sit in the sun and write, watching the women come out of the shower. I just said “Lookin’ clean”. I am such a dork. Here at Guatemala everybody flirts. You hear whistles a lot as a lady. It’s the customary greeting of men to women. Even the birds whistle at the ladies. I am not kidding. One car passed us, I swear they pressed a button that made a mechanical whistle for us. Ladies are here today with me. Now they’re gone. We all agreed we worked hard today. I was so proud of myself. I challenged the men to let me do what they did. Men are chivalrous except when you expect to be treated equally in “man things”. They want to keep those things to themselves. What we got to do today was really cool. Jeff described three different jobs that we could do. Mostly they sounded pretty basic except for one. That’s what I wanted to do, I was first in line. (got called for shower).

Observations from a first time traveller

Monday, February 2nd, 3:00 am? Day 2

Funny things are going on, I just have to tell you. All kinds of fireworks are going off even though it’s barely light out. Huge bangs. The last one was great, really loud. Then all you hear is hundreds (sounds like it at least) of roosters crowing. But it sounds like cheering. I guess that’s what it is. Then a bus driver starts beeping his horn. Like when there’s a wedding. Happy beeping. Everyone here’s celebrating the fact that the sun’s come up for a new day. Except us gringittas. They just keep snoring! I’ve been up for at least an hour but no movement yet. I can’t get out either because the sea of bodies is too much. I’ll bet you the men are up. Oh well, I’m only hard on the ladies with you see ’cause I have to be so damn nice to them in real life. Ha ha. I am starting to feel like myself again after a good long sleep. I ‘d say 8 hours at least. No more migraine. I call it that and don’t care what you say. That’s severe pain. I pray that today I’m not so handicapped. Could be worse that’s what I always say at the worst of times.

That reminds me of our travels here. You know who sucks? Americans. I got frazzled at Miami, at the x-ray belt. I said (now what did I say) oh yeah “this system’s fucking nuts!”. It was. I got mad. No one heard me except a nice young lady from (nearby town). We politely respected each other but I’ve only learned one girl’s name. Anyway, she helped. You see, we had an hour to transfer over. It was tight. But to us (home town) people there was all the time in the world to pee and stand around looking stupid. When we finally got to our line (to be scanned again) it was 2 miles long. They eventually pulled us out but this causes a mad rush. You had to race to get your boots, sweater even belt into their buckets. I forgot to put my money belt in the bucket. As well it is these young men’s custom to be rude. Their boss is on the walkie talkie saying “get those jerks for the Guatemala flight through!!”. All very nutso. So me not taking this belt off is damn stupid. Of course we were so rushed my zippers were open. Joe U.S. tried to help but they are really bad at their job. My money belt and belt and change were thrown in a little bucket and sent down as well. But they were so rushed and so much baggage on their little belt that the little bucket with my stuff gets crunched and spins up in the air. It’s actually funny now looking back.

“You can’t wear a belt!!?” Apparently I was the stupid one. Anyway, perhaps Mom will enjoy this part. At this point you are expected to get your belts, boots, belongings and luggage together in 10 seconds and move along. Believe me, this was my intention. Except I happen to notice Mom’s little stone is trapped between the spinning belt and…wait. There’s some sort of marching band. I am not kidding. I’m going outside, ladies be damned.

Ha ha, I guess I was wrong, despite the roosters, fireworks and marching band ( I wasn’t imagining that) it is nowhere near morning. The light I saw was just from our street lights. I bet it is 4:00am at the latest. I’ll go back to bed soon, when I’m done writing. Only you know what a dork I am diary.

Anyway, my harrowing story of good (that’s me) vs. evil. So her stone that is so special to her was stuck between metal and spinning conveyor belt. I just stuck my hand in it to get it out but it wouldn’t. I had to flick it out onto the ground and then crawl under to find where it had bounced. But before this a lady comes over and says “You can’t put your hand there”. I didn’t even look at her. I solved my own problems. It was just like the first x-ray guy. I was getting the key from my belt to open my luggage because he said my film couldn’t go through. And he said “No, lady, just take the belt off and put it through”. Like I was an idiot. Always with the treating people like idiots. I had to explain that if he expeted me to open my luggage I had to do this. Then it was his turn to feel dumb. Ha ha. Anyway the whole thing was a comedy of errors for awhile but we got through. I can’t begin to describe the types of people on the flight, the view of Guatemala from the plane etc. the smells at the airport. Oh but finally, Nicola will be interested to know that the soap at the airport was different. For one they keep it in a special Styrofoam cup that you dip one finger in. And, it smells like bubblegum. Good night everybody.

Wait. I just have to tell you one more funny thing about Guatemala. People here are always celebrating. I mean, it’s the middle of the night and drums and tubas. Anyway, on our bus ride here we saw young dudes as clowns in the street ( for money). Someone says “now is today a special festival day?”. No silly! This is what we do.

New diary starts, dedicated to trip to Guatemala

Sunday February 1st 2004, 6:44 Canada Time

Now’s the time to write to you. We have arrived in Guatemala! I am here at the orphanage in the mountains in the girls’ bunk. Our luggage got lost , so my tent’s not here yet. Everyone else is out touring around but I’ve already done that. I’m glad to finally get a small bit of peace and quiet. I can’t wait till my tent gets here so I can have my own space. So much has happened!

The orphanage is great. There’s such a great vibe here. I like lots of guys like Will who said a few things to let us know what’s going on for tonight and said have fun, walk wherever you like. Others were asking if they could photograph the kids and he said it’s their favourite. I had two kids be very nice to me already (we just got here). One girl said Buenos Tardes to me when I was walking by myself. Also there is a very friendly little cutie. When we got off the bus all the kids were out playing. Eric and I were walking together and a little boy came up to hold my hand. He said he liked my headphones (that I got on the plane). I better take those off as to not show off I guess. I could have given them away but that ain’t right. I wanted to ask Como te yammos or whatever it is but it’s funny how one feels shy. I’m shy about speaking Spanish. Even with Spanish/English speakers.

Everything I see makes me like the orphanage. The kids are so happy. They get chocolate covered bananas. We’re well taken care of too. I feel sorry for the volunteers that are here full time because we are treated like babies while they work. That is because today is our first day I guess. There are young people that stay here for a year. They have a special room set up. Their room had to be wrecked when all the ladies moved in. The ladies room is wall to wall mattresses. They are dumb, unless they like non-privacy. I’m the only lady to have a tent but I wouldn’t have it otherwise.

Anyway there is a nice young lad from Germany who volunteers. He is a good guy. When I first saw him at the airport I didn’t know what to think. I loved it there, the people were very cool. Anyway, this guy hobbled up to us (his leg was hurt playing hockey). I thought he was a suspicious character when he said “are you from Canada?” to the other girls. Really he is our friend. Why was I suspicious? I don’t know. He looked funny with tight pants and a leather jacket. But he’s cool – I was comforted when I was coming back with aqua for a puking girl. Nice Nicholas was helping a little dude who was crying. Everyone gives hugs here. That’s nice I say. Everything was great once we stepped out the doors of Guatemala airport. That’s when things started to get good. For an hour we drove through Guatemala city and saw everything. Got to go now, intruders.

OK…This Sucks:

January 17th 2003?

It’s impossible to be taken seriously as a female…especially a teenage female. I don’t even take myself seriously. I keep looking in the mirror as I’m crying (Oh I’m sexy now aren’t I?) All I’ve ever wanted was to be respected by James and Donnie…since I’ve known them to be their equals…It’s impossible. There is immense pressure on females to be sexy. In my experience in life as one at least. I see it in fucking 11 year old girls!! and I want to puke. I want to know why this is happening to them/us.

– I got pretty mad there for a minute.

I’m going to talk about what happened tonight because I want to get this page over with. Gerard invited me over to Donnie’s at 8:00pm. He said that James/Donnie/Patty/D.J./Him would be there and I could meet him there – cool right? – and he said “there’s going to be tabbage” there as well. Excellent/crazy I thought. – I was under the assumption that we were all going to do acid. When I got there they were putting paper on the wall for pictures – background for Hawaii in Donnie’s basement – we had a palm tree, fire, etc. And we drew some environment on the walls. Sadly they had already dosed I found out – nobody told me, I figured it out – and of course I wasn’t included ie. no more acid, baby! So subsequently I was very bored as they spoke of how high they were getting and D.J. got crazier and crazier. I decided to “skate” (as they say) because staying would be negative fun and I was feeling pretty bitchy. Maybe it was wrong of me to assume that there was acid for me too. I should have known. They were talking about a rave they were going to. They never came out and said “we’re going to a rave” they just started talking about what drugs they were going to do and what they were going to wear. “we should do ecstasy, yeah that would be fucking cool…I hear it really messes up your brain though. I think we’ll probably be able to get some speed etc. etc. etc.”

So this is all well and good. I left…I was bitter…It should be me going to a rave with them…but alas I was never really their friend I was just James’ girlfriend. If I had sex with James I would be fucked right now…this makes me laugh but I’m really quite sad. For me to be in Patty’s place right now…ie. to be sleeping over in Donnie’s Hawaii would be extremely sweet…I miss them.

Crop Circles

August 4th (Monday) 2003, Civic Holiday

I guess I’m feeling pretty creative. I had an amazing day today, as well as all weekend. I haven’t had a weekend off work all summer until now (besides holiday). Now I had 3 days. That’s huge. You know how at the end of the weekend you think how can I go back to work, I’ve changed so much, so much has happened? Well, I thought that once tonight and smiled. This was just what I needed. Want to know what I did? Friday night was (town) and Jamie’s band played where I got drunk. Sat night we went to Mark’s for a quiet party and had fun. Sunday night was the (popular local bar) concert and fun times. And tonight was a party at Manny’s with stimulating conversation and BBQ. That’s just the nights! You should know that Everitt and I are no longer together but I want to tell you more interesting things.

Today Nicola and I drove to (town) to see some CROP CIRCLES! Built by aliens I’m sure! Let me tell you, it was amazing. A once in a lifetime experience. We had heard about them in the Free Press on Sunday but our car broke down on the way out there. Then we went again today. We stopped and bought corn on the way and got directions. When we drove down the side road and first glimpsed all the cars parked on the dirt road I was scared! It was so exciting. There were all kinds of people there. Babies, families, punk kids and grannies. They’ve had hundreds of people from all over come to look at the symbols. Also they placed a grain holder with a ladder against it so anyone could go up and see the whole thing from above. I’m so happy we got to go (Me and Nicola). The two main circles were surrounded by larger rings. Not perfect circles just a little oval. I think it’s amazing, I guess so do hundreds of others. Being able to go has made me so happy today. We walked around the circles for an hour or so looking closely and conjecturing. It was quite an event to be a part of. There was a nice farm family there near us and the Dad was explaining to his little kids why it couldn’t be a hoax or wind. It was great, everyone was so excited. We talked to the lady of the farm for a long time asking questions. She was great. The experts say it’s a great example. They also say it’s a standard field for these patterns since they have both a water source near and power lines. Interesting. Tomorrow I’m going to research crop circles! I even picked a couple pieces of wheat from the field. One from each main circle. I’m sure this was OK and I did it for you. Here they are: I know it was aliens, I can’t wait to learn more eh?

I’m listening to Barenaked Ladies “Maroon” and it is really nice. Everitt cheated on me and lied. I found out yesterday. It was awful. It still is awful too. Seeing the circles helped me so much and I wish he could go too since he said he’s spiritually devoid or whatever. For me it was a moving, spiritual experience. I want everyone to go, my family and friends. Maybe they’ll say it’s a hoax or maybe that’s what you think. OK, but I was there and I know it was real. No person or team could do that. Not possible. I’m lucky to be alive. I’ve been noticing that a lot every day. I’m excited. Everitt and I had a good talk, don’t worry, I told him just how I feel and I haven’t forgiven him. But I can feel badly for his situation at the same time. I’ll be OK, even though he was horrible to me. So I’m not too worried, just angry and sad. Here’s a funny card I found in (town) at the antique barn.

“How can I enjoy it when I know it won’t last forever?” – Pot Shots No. 31. Ha ha

Soon I’ll need a new diary, this one is pretty full now. That’s something to look forward to also. Finally I must add that I had a vivid UFO dream last week. I figure about 24 hours or so after the aliens were making circles in (town). All I can say is that I think this means I’m psychic. Or an alien (ha ha). You roll your eyes but it was an outstanding, freaky nightmare. So vivid, I thought I was awake. I was at the school house and an UFO came down out of the sky and hovered above me and Mom while I yelled “That’s a UFO” over and over. I think it is exceptional because I don’t remember ever of dreaming about aliens. Also, Drew who is kinda psychic too said three weeks ago he was thinking about crop circles and wishing that there were some near by. Weird? I think so. He has ghosts at his house. You knew that right? hee hee anyway that’s all she wrote. Bye buddy.

P.S. I’m very sleepy

OK, Oh my God the power just went out as I was reading the former page’s bitter rant. God that was scary. Sirens outside and the powers back on. I wonder what happened. Kinda spooked me though.

Still Mad

Saturday September 14th 2:09pm

The world is a horrible, horrible place. I feel very clever for leaving this by the toilet. I feel like shitting out a few words as I shit. That’s all. Americans must die especially rich tourist scum. Eat shit and die motherfuckers! Ha ha Ha


I have an idea. Just so as not to forget it, I’m telling you:

I’m going to call all those numbers on the sides of snacks that say Questions? Toll free of course. Then I’ll ask what it’s like to work at that call centre. Imagine their answers! It will be an anthropological study. (My stupid friends are faking sex noises). Bye.


Friday September 13th 2002 1:31am

Listen: This is how I think about you. I write in my diary about you when I’m sitting on the can – It’s fitting eh Cloe? Yeah yep mmm you’re probably right. I pull out my unused tampon as I think of what kind of shit you’ve brought to my life. Fuck that hurts. Not in the dull ache kind of way either. I forget exactly what I had composed , but you’ve brought a unique bitterness to my life. I don’t feel bad though, I was hoping to shed my sweetie pie fa├žade. I like that you can’t read this. Yep. Fuck You. That heart felt message. It was code for eat shit and die dick face. You didn’t pick up on that? Or you did? Oh God, my negativity is catching up with me? Doubtful.

This is you and your shit. I hope that when you wake up from your coma you’ve learned something.

Two Years Pass…

Tuesday, March 26th 2002 11:30 pm

My brown book falls out on the floor by accident (isn’t that always the way?) and I know: this means trouble. Sucked in hours lost reminiscing about ‘the good ole days’. Gee wiz. It’s funny how many entrys start with I just read through the book. You’d think I’d know it by now. All sorts of pictures and notes need to be glued in. Have they been lost? It’s funny that I have this Anne Frank feeling, like all this will be so valuable in 100 years, meanwhile to read this even I blush. Too sexy, too sexy! Those pictures of Jamie are too much.

I really never have any time. This is a problem in life I think. In a few short weeks I will be a University Graduate. I guess it makes sense that I’m busy. I’d just like to say that D.J. wrote me a letter from B.C. today (was it saved?). It really made me feel like I was living in the past, it was romantic. But we’re no good for each other. My kitty is the best and Diana’s a great pal, Nicola is in Australia, schools cool and roommate’s nice. I wanted to say that I’ll write more (just teasing). I have the hots for Ron! I seem to just recycle the same boys eh? Whatever. Someday I’ll meet Mr. Right but don’t put Ron down. He really is dreamy. I think I’ll go dream about him now in fact (it’s quite late) and finish reading the rest of bookie. Good night sweetie you really are the best.

Love (Me) aka “little Miss study-study”

Oh yeah I just wanted to comment. I mean I know this book isn’t a representative sample but it’s funny how before the drugs I was hating myself/depressed. Then when I was doing too many drugs, everyday all the entries are about how much I love myself. It’s just a coincidence. I figured out who I was while on drugs. But it’s funny because it’s the opposite of what you’d think. Oh well, boring. I’m going to look at the sexy words and pictures now.


Thursday July 31st 2000, 12:30 am (actually Friday)

I better write. Storming out. No rain though. Jamie just left. Mmmmmmm mmmm Jamie. So sexy. We had a shit load of fun tonight! We went swimming and watched the sunset at the beach. Played stick ball. Went to Robot’s birthday party. Hung out at the carnival, got two free rides! I screamed and swore and Jamie loved it. We laughed until our mouths hurt and then ate cotton candy and popcorn. Oh dear. I told him I really like him! What balls. Hee hee. He likes me too he says. Lovely. Jamie said tonight was one for the books, so I thought I better write. More later.

Duke Ellington plays the perfect tune. I love you so much!


Sunday, July 9th 2000, 11:17 pm

Hi! I am feeling very happy! Charmed/Blessed. I had an epiphany floating 1/2 drunk in a swim-pool Sat. night. I realized what true happiness is/feels like. Its a love for yourself/confidence and respect. It’s a full sensual awareness almost overwhelming clarity of sense. It is very exciting and powerful. Could this have started because of falling in love? he hee. I thought; falling in love is an excuse to reinvent yourself/fall in love with yourself. It is an awakening of the senses. Mind + Body Beautiful!